We Just Had Kids, How Do We Keep The Romance Alive?

Just became parents and baby-chores are making connecting with your wife hard? This blog is for you.

Research shows that the decline in relationship-satisfaction is twice as steep for a couple with children. As a busy professional, it becomes all the more difficult to manage your relationship, your job, and your child-care responsibilities. Attraction doesn’t just happen in a marriage. Like everything else, it needs effort. It often starts with good communication and trust. This blog is a good start and we’re here to help. What you’re feeling is common and there’s a here are seven simple things you can do about it:

1. State the Obvious

Let’s begin by stating the obvious: if you want her to know she is loved, the easiest way to do this is to tell her! Don’t take your marriage for granted and make an effort to be expressive. Show appreciation. When your wife does something nice for you, the house, or the baby, take notice of it and appreciate her for doing it. Once you do so, she’ll reciprocate.

2. Have Child-Free Outings

Constantly remind yourself and her that investing time in your child is important, but so is investing in your marriage. A great way to do this is to take your wife out for a date-night. Leave the kids at home with someone you trust and enjoy reconnecting over a meal or movie. Try to make your outing a completely child-free zone. Yes, this means no talking about the kids! It’ll give you time to talk about the other important things in your life beyond your child. When you reconnect on the other things you have in common, your marriage is sure to be strengthened and the romance will grow.

3. Help With the Chores

Your wife is probably having a hard time feeding the baby, cleaning after him/her, and understanding her new job as a mother. Help her out, do the dishes, put a load of laundry. Not only will this put a smile on her face, but it will also free her up to spend some quality time with you. If you didn’t have the time to help her out, do the chores with her and make them fun for both of you. Take over the cooking, or help her out in the kitchen. Not only will the load be halved, but it will also be a great bonding activity. You can sneak in compliments and cook as you play old Hindi music -- right out of a Bollywood movie, no?

4. Try New Things Together

New experiences like a painting class, learning to dance, an adventure park, release the happy chemicals - dopamine, and norepinephrine. That’s the same chemicals that get released during early romantic love! Take a break from baby-chores and book a new adventure for the two of you. This is also a great way to sneak in some things you love to do. Introduce her to the greatness of cricket. Or even better, learn to enjoy something she loves. 

5. And Do the Mundane Things Too

You’ll be surprised at how much of a difference the little things make. Be thoughtful about the mundane, everyday things. You can make it a point to make it home for dinner. Check-in with each other about your day. Ditch the distractions for an hour - turn off all electronics and just spend quality time with each other. This one’s especially for the men who struggle to express their emotions - your actions will show that you care.

6. Don’t Compare Your Relationship to Others

All relationships are hard and different from each other. People tend to only post about the happy things of their relationship on social media. Don’t let that cloud your vision of what your relationship is or should be. Value your relationship for what it is. Our brain tends to highlight the negative memories and we tend to lose track of the good ones. So document the good ones in a folder on your phone or put memorable photographs up around the house. 

7. Be Forgiving

Everyone is a beginner at being a parent. This is new to both of you and you are both bound to make mistakes. Communicate your disappointments with each other calmly and kindly instead of being critical and hurtful. It’s okay to make mistakes. Forgive yourself and her for them. 

These are just a few tips and tricks, but you know your wife best, so do what you think works. Use this blog as a jumping-off point and get creative. The moment she sees that you’re putting in an effort she is bound to reciprocate and your romance is sure to find its pace. Marriage is just like any other relationship. It needs constant care and nurturing. You know you care. Just show her that you do.